Crossed Wires
by PenguinsWillReignSupreme
Summary: Albus Potter consults his sister about the finer details of a relationship.


_A/N: I own nothing at all

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**Crossed Wires**

"You've got a _what?_" Lily exclaimed, hands on her tiny hips and her incredulous face hidden by a sweeping curtain of blood red hair.

"A _girlfriend_," Albus repeated smugly, puffing out his chest and peering down through his glasses as though it were the most natural thing in the world. Lily stared at him for a minute, nodding slowly and thoughtfully.

"And who would this lucky girl be, then?" she prompted, eyebrows raised challengingly.

"Cecily."

"Cecily? As in Cecily Fawcett?"

"Yes," Al offered slowly. Lily's brow furrowed a little and she took her gaze off her brother to stare firmly off to somewhere to his left. "What?"

"Cecily Fawcett the seventh-year Ravenclaw, right?"

"Lily, for Merlin's sake. _Yes,_ Cecily Fawcett the seventh-year Ravenclaw. The only Cecily in the school!" he exclaimed exasperatedly.

"Since when?"

"Since about a month ago not that it's really any of your business," he muttered, glowering at his sister as though they were children again. Lily scowled and crossed her arms firmly across her chest.

"There's no need to be so _rude_. You came to me for help, remember?" she pointed out with a grin of triumph as Albus spluttered at her and she shook her head. "So what's the issue, besides the fact that you've got a girlfriend who looks like a tormented trout?"

Carefully ignoring his sister's slur on the girl that he'd had his eye on for many a month now, Al leant back on the desk they were stood beside and glanced around nervously.

"Well, the thing is, she's not really showing any sign of…wanting to be with me," he murmured, his cheeks flushing a bright pink and his eyes focusing on a stain on the rug he was standing on. From the corner of his eye, he saw his sister nodding as though he had to go on. "I mean, we've been alone together," he hurriedly explained, "but –"

"Has anything happened between you?" Lily interrupted, her brother's stumbling bringing her more irritation than any real information about his progress. He cleared his throat awkwardly and moved his gaze to the shining mahogany foot of an armchair. "Al, I understand that you like furniture but really, that's not going to help me sort out your relationship problems." He glanced around and sighed.

"No. I tried to…well, I tried to kiss her –" he trailed off as Lily's attention was suddenly captured and she looked up like a lion who had just found itself some prey.

"And?" she pressed, her grin widening and widening.

"I…fell over," he murmured so quietly that Lily thought she'd misheard him. However, the tell-tale uncomfortable glance to a picture frame opposite and the awkward blush that was flushing his cheeks told her that this statement was, in fact, sadly true. Extremely proud of herself for disguising her snort with a well-timed and believable cough, she nodded slowly as though she were thinking deeply about how to tackle the situation.

"Have you –" she started before shaking her head. "Okay, well what _have_ you done?"

"I tried to hold her hand a couple of –"

"Tried? What do you mean, tried?"

"Well, I reached out and she –"

"Never mind," she interrupted, now unable to hide her complete lack of comprehension at the nature of this ridiculous excuse of a relationship. "Okay, don't take this the wrong way but-" she paused as Al sent her a stony stare, almost challenging her not to say it.

"What?" he prompted. Lily grimaced and took a deep breath.

"Does she…know?"

"Does she know what?" her brother demanded, his confusion melted in with his growing irritation. Lily sighed.

"Does she know you think you're together?"

"Of course she _knows_. What kind of question is that?" he snapped, glaring beadily at his sister who shook her head.

"Well, then, I don't _know_. This kind of thing doesn't happen! You get together, you go out a couple of times, you hold hands, you kiss, get married and have lots of children! You don't spend 4 weeks just trying to get her to hold your hand!" she hissed, casting cautious looks around for any eavesdroppers. "Tell you what," she grabbed his arm and marched him to the portrait hole, "go and find her and ask her what in the name of Merlin's right eyebrow is going on, okay? Be firm. Don't take any of her nonsense. Tell her like it is. You're the man in that…relationship." Then with one last grin of support, she pushed him into the corridor before he could even begin to protest.

_Thirty-three minutes later_

"What are you doing back so soon?" Lily demanded as her brother's forlorn looking figure came slouching through the door, a pack of ice held to his head. She put down her book and moved over so there was room on the sofa for him. He collapsed next to her, head lolling back on the chair and glanced to his sister who was staring at the ice pack. "I'm fairly sure I don't want to know the answer to this but how?"

"Tried to kiss her again," he muttered with a tired groan. "Ended up head butting her and when I tried to get away, flew straight into the doorframe and nearly knocked myself out."

"Smooth," Lily smirked, picking up her book again. "So that's it then? Single life again?"

"What?" Al moaned, squinting at her through narrowed eyes. "No. She ended up taking me to the Hospital Wing and then walking me back here. Thought it was adorable and she might have kissed me goodnight."

"Really?" Lily exclaimed, her eyes wide open and her book sliding off her lap. Al gave a small nod and a smile. "A thank you would be nice, you know?"

"For what?"

"Well, for giving you my wonderfully sisterly advice and sending you off to sort it all out," she explained as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. Nodding slowly, Al got up and smirked.

"Nice try, Lils. If I'd done what you wanted, I'd probably have been hexed into next century."

"But –"

"Good night, Lily," he said firmly, and with a spring in his step that no-one clutching ice to their head should have, disappeared up the boys' staircase, leaving his sister sitting dumbfounded and confused in the middle of the common room. She slammed the book shut and grabbed a piece of parchment. If he was going to be like that, then all hope of playing nice and keeping her brother's embarrassment a secret from the rest of her family was long gone.

_James,_

_You'll _never_ guess what our dearest brother managed to do…_

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**A/N: Does this count as fluff? If so, I can firmly declare that I DID IT! WHOO!**

**Oddly, each of the events in this story all happened (and are happening) to one of my housemates. I find the whole thing very amusing and thought it probably ought to be recorded. Poor lad :P**

**All thoughts and opinions on this are very welcome ^_^**

**Big thank you hugs to Jane for giving this a quick read over for me, but even bigger hugs for the wonderful Georgia (Jellyman) for giving me a bit of critique. I'm very sorry for stealing some of your suggested lines, my lovely.**


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